vakker frontier

I need an internet job.
Been looking into going to school to study internet lingo, you know stuff to bore me and that everyone else understand. I swear they should teach web classes in elementary school as mandatory because it’s everywhere. Our children need to know how to handle the internet at a young age, it’s the new basic.

I’m in Virginia again and trying to find a job but during the time I lived elsewhere I had access to a motor vehicle so I could buzz around and find a job. Now I have to either walk where I want to go or ask somebody to help me out or ride the bus which isn’t bad but I have no money to put towards bus fare.I’m trying to find a job near my parents house or by the Oceanfront as that will determine where I live. I’ve given great consideration to asking for my McDonalds job back and I see that as a beneficial move right now because then I wil have money to put towards gas and my own motor vehicle. I don’t care if I have a place to stay once I have my own set of wheels, it’s just getting to that point that will to be the struggle & I’ve excepted that. In moving so many times in the past 18 months I understand myself more and responsibility, I truely think I’ve grown a lot and I’m proud of myself for making the choices I did. Good or bad.

I want to enter the new year in a good way. Here are four honest thoughts of right now.

I don’t trust anyone here, I hardly trust myself. Within 100 miles, I trust my dog the most.

I want to be healthy and I feel that living here has not only made me physically ill, but mentally as well.

I don’t need the drama from his mama. I either need a vacation or to move away.

I let down my walls and shared my weakness and it has been turned against me.

The last few weeks have had up and down days. On the 16 I woke up to my tonsils exceeding the desired limitations which prevented my ability to breathe. Josh helped with what he could but after discussing it with my mother I went to the doctor to get checked out. Turns out I am allergic to something of which I haven’t figure out yet and I had a sinus infection. I was also tested for strep which came back negative. They gave me four prescriptions and ushered us down the hallway. We filled them with the help of my parents and went home.
One or two nights later joshs brother was kicked out of their m/others house so josh let him move in for the time being. He has quit smoking and spends every morning cleaning the house whichis very different from what I remember of him from last year.
Christmas eve I developed a rash all over my body. His mother talked my ear off for three hours before offering me a benedryl. I remember that because benedryl really made me feel better unlike her advise to not go to the emergency room.
The only option was to go to the emergency room since all doctors office were closed for the holiday so all weekend I itched and took benedryl and complained about the government.
We had been approved for food stamps a few days before I went to the doctor and had been told that the card he had would be replaced & that we would be getting a card in the mail within a week or two. Everyday we checked the mail and a few days ago he asked me to figure out if we could get a temp card. So I called the only number I could think of and accidentally cancelled the card. He was reasonably aangry about that and we drove up to DHS to find a solution. The card had not been cancelled and we weren’t going to receive a card in the mail because they put it on his last card. The card we showed the lady at the interview.
Josh and I got into a fight a few nights ago, it was resolved day before yesterday. I don’t know were we stand. Things were said that really mixed the pot.

I was clicking around the admin section of this site when I saw a list from April 2010.

Five months after writing this I bought my small dog. Two months after I bought my dog I met the love of my life who resembles a Greek god. I do so hope you enjoy.

1.   They seriously freak me out, especially when they run at me chirping.  They look unnatural and there is a small chance I will scream in fear and kick at it.  Owners don’t like when that happens.  I just don’t like when dogs are smaller than house cats.

2.   I’m a compulsive eater.  The only thing is I don’t notice until after the fact that I devoured half a dozen Whopper Jr’s and moved on to the Hershey pie that I can put it away.  It surprises everyone who doesn’t expect it or are paying for it.

3.  I love feeling life around me, so I attend concerts for the BOOM from the speakers.  And to support the artists of course.

4.  I don’t care how my hair looks, sometimes I go weeks without brushing it.  Somehow it remains knot free and pin straight.  Be jealous.

5.   I’m not a fan of turtles, even though I used to catch them with my sisters at the lake near our house every year.  They give me nightmares, so does Poseidon.  I avoid anything that looks remotely like the God of the Sea, which crosses out Athens in my future travels.

6.   I don’t have feeling in the tips of my right hand fingers.  I sliced them up with help of a metal fan when I was a knee high person.  So when I got a job as a crew person and burned them I didn’t realize until my co worker screamed at my burnt ends.

7.  I adore whoever created sushi, it’s amazing!  I could marry them if the weren’t buried in a cave on a sunken island somewhere, or if they were a women.  Otherwise, fantastic.

Hope you enjoyed my thoughts, fears, and expression.

I feel so incredibly strange befriending his mother. I’ve heard so much negativity about her from her children and ex-husband (which is to be expected from an EX) over the last year.

I have been spending time with her recently and I’m beginning to feel like I understand her, sort of. She’s independent and makes everything work in her favor. Nothing wrong with that but she does put herself in bad situations from time to time,doing so is acceptable so long as you learn from it and better yourself and don’t repeat that situation. When you begin repeating a bad situation, you train your mind to accept it and look at it as not a big deal even though you are hurting inside and out.

I didn’t like hearing that she was with a macho-man-women-beater so I told her I can’t respect her for remaining with him or if she returns to him. In other words I called her dumb and explained how I saw her and gave examples of friends who have put themselves in similar situations.

When she told me earlier today that she left him for good I had to tell her I was proud because I am, I know it takes a lot of inner strength to leave someone you have grown so fond of and that you had loved at some point. I informed her that if she went back to him I would loose all respect for her, and this is true. I don’t respect anybody who doesn’t respect themselves.

After our little discussion she gave me the spare key to her truck and sent me out into the world on some errands when I returned she told me to keep the key. I see that in two ways, either she respects me or she’s dumb. I cannot see her as dumb, we had two full days of highly intellectual conversations about family and religion. I didn’t hide the fact that I’m an atheist and she being a devout christian didn’t force it upon me or question my views. I respect her for that and we continued talking on the subject for quite some time (something I could never do with my parents).

I’ve also learned of her past and though it’s not pretty I cannot judge her for it. She did what she saw fit for the time and her family. Family is very important to her, we both agreed upon the same thing “friends come and go but family are forever” which is extremely true. I’ve known most of my friends for short amount of time, they are forever a part of my family. I know the only way I’ll lose them is if one of us die. She does not many friends even though she’s lived her all her life.

Her children don’t see her as a mother given there past but she is still trying. She wants what every mother wants, to go back to the time when she was a hero to her children and when she was the mother who had the holidays planned down to the last paper plate. You can’t get that back unless you have more children and even then, time flies.

She does what she can just like my mother does for us and my sister for her little ones. They all know that time is of the essence and to take it in stride. I have to respect them even though I’m not a mother myself, I am a daughter, a sister, auntie and niece. I am mortal.

Had a nice little paragraph typed out for today but there was too much bashing of his mother’s love life that I had to delete it and replace it with this.
Cheers.

I’ve been without computer access for almost a month. I have an actual keyboard under my fingers, I’m not sure what to do first.
I’ll put the lovely and talented on before I begin tinkering with networking sites. As for this room, it’s public. I’m not a huge fan of public, at all. The little timer at the top of my screen says 45 minutes to go.

Haven’t laced up in over 45 days. I’m proud of myself, sort of. My boyfriend introduced me to 5-HTP which makes me happy and alive as long as I’m in sunlight for a little while. Photosynthesis me.

We went to Nashville last week to find a part for a car he was working on at and to visit .

I’ve never seen so many damaged cars in all my life. It kind of hurt my heart. People spent years paying for those vehicles sitting on rims and tires. The family roadtrips, and bringing home loved ones and pride. There they sit, waiting to be taken apart for scrap and eventually taken away to be squished and sold as weight.

I saw a that looked exactly like my daddies truck, picked clean, interior tore to shreds and glass smashed. That was once a sturdy truck, I rememebr when my little sister and dad got hit by a newer truck by someone in my science class years ago. The other car was destroyed but that Dodge lived up to it’s name. It rammed that red truck quite brutally.

I’ve been to quite a few naturall food stores but the Whole Foods Market in Nashville took my breathe away. It was big and spacious and had almost everything I could ever want to cook with, clean or snack on. We were very pleased. They even have a separate shop for the vitamins and such. It was well worth the drive but I wish I had more than 20 dollars to my name when we got there. Places like that, are the reason I don’t have a credit card.

I met his mother a few weeks ago and she is… definately a character. She shows up at all hours of the night to play guitar hero and taargets my ear with her word vomit about family and her massage business and whatever else she can think up. I find her entertaining…at times, but I don’t like that she is my landlady.

We explored the local dog park the other day and I really don’t like the setup. The small dog enclosure has wayy to many gaps that Dylan tries to take advantage of and is quite successful at. To bad it’s the only one for public use. The Base has one that I want to visit but of course you have to be ‘important’ to the government in more ways than paying your taxes.

Thirty eight minutes to go…

I’m looking forward to Farfalla visiting me again. She’s driving the ten hours to spend my birthday and halloween with me, so this will be the best birthday than ever. Deffinately better than last year, that’s for damn sure.

We live by ourselves right now but when I first arrived we lived with Jess and her hubby who has…been away for a while. She moved out due to financial issues and he’s still away. The boyfriend allowed his childhood friend Matt to move in and he is the most annoying person to live with, talk to, and KNOW.

I’m still waiting for State Farm to deal with two bills from the crash. They apparently ‘lost’ two of the bills months ago. Which is annoying.

I can’t even think straight right now. If I were a Pokemon, I would have to be a Kakuna. Them bitches are hiding and for good reason cause once it reaches that point of fed up they evolve into something with stingers and attitude. A far cry from the docile Metapod that turns into a Butterfree, as in free of everything and doesn’t learn dangerous Physic moves until much later.

I’m lazy. This page needs to be bombed and rebuilt but like I said, I’m lazy. Also my sister and I need to podcast again, July is a few weeks away.

There is a lot of painting where I’m at, the house needs a fresh coat which will hopefully make somebody want to buy it. I love this house if we could transport it to Tennessee without confusing the neighbors more then that would happen.

Such a grand Victorian, it’s a shame we have to give it up. It’s one of the few things keeping myself attached to Peoria along with the roller coaster family of course.

It bothers me that I get along so well with people but can only stay around for a short time. Something always pulls me away, forever searching I suppose.

Haven’t laced up since the crash. I miss the pressure and pulling the cords tight, the perfect workout. I’m not giving up on it, rather leaving my beauties in a box. Out of sight, out of mind.

Dylan finished off the last of my regular footwear several months ago. After six months of being completely poor, I had the funds and replenished my shoe selection. It’s weird that new shoes have been the highlight of the month.

I’ve been keeping tabs on the happenings in Clarksville and I’m relieved that we moved away before this weather madness started. We were super stressed about everything while living there. Money was super tight and one by one everything had taken its turn to breakdown.

I do hope everyone I came in contact with & people I didn’t get a chance to meet are alright.